A show versus tell moment

A writer doing what they do best - writing.

So like a few writers, I’ve got a few books on the go. I’m querying my YA paranormal novel with agents, writing the third novel in a medieval mystery series due in January, as well as another novella for the Lyon’s Den and… an adult contemporary paranormal romance. I think that might be a lot? Not sure.

Anyway, so I was working on my dark paranormal romance, when I had a moment. One of those where you’re writing and you pause and think, ‘hey, I could write that line a lot better.’ So I did. Here’s the moment.

What I wrote: Eliza was pushed forward at gunpoint.

What I rewrote it to: The stiff barrel of a gun jabbed into the center of her back, nudging her forward.

See how in the first line, I’ve told the reader what happens? That’s literally telling the action. But in my rewrite, I’m showing the reader what’s going on. I’ve described the gun, how it feels, where it’s touching her, and what it’s doing.

The character Eliza is passive here, because the gun is doing the action. But it’s a tense scene, so hopefully my rewrite will add some richness to the story. If any of you are working on showing versus telling, I hope this was a useful example!

Whilst there is a debate about when to show versus tell and I don’t get into that here, it’s worth keeping in mind when you should do this. For me, I’m still learning.

Cheers and happy writing!

ELJ